Through my Veins
by bluesraine
Summary: As Cuddy is now taken, House needs a new start. When he is leaving, both need to deal with his decission. "I really want you to really want me. But I really don't know if you can do that" - Could Cuddy let him walk away? Could House live without her?
1. Chapter 1

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

*** **Chapter 1** ***

Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"

"I really want you to really want me  
But I really don't know if you can do that  
I know you want to know what's right  
But I know it's so hard for you to do that  
And time's running out as often it does  
And often dictates that you can't do that  
But fate can't break this feeling inside  
That's burning up through my veins

I really want you  
I really want you  
I really want you... now

No matter what I say or do  
The message isn't getting through  
And you're listening to the sound  
Of my breaking heart"

***

It was cold outside; some snowflakes were falling from the grey sky. House didn't really notice, he was busy packing a bag. He eventually was humming to the music hammering from his sound system. He hadn't felt like this in weeks, which only encouraged him in his decision. He turned off the music when the song ended – and heard somebody knocking at the door furiously.

Slowly, he made his way and opened the door.

She stared at him for a moment. There was a smile on his face, which faded the very second he saw her. She took a deep breathe. "House."

He sighed. "What do you want, I'm busy right now... well actually I'm almost out of the door."

She entered the apartment, looked around. "What the hell is going on? Foreman called me and told me you are leaving. You didn't talk to me."

House closed the door. "There is a letter for you, I was going to drop it by when I was leaving, which is in about an hour. Since you're here you can take it now and get out", he said coldly.

"What?"

He walked over to the piano and took the letter. "Here."

"You can not leave. You work for me."

"No, I don't work for you. I work for the hospital, Cuddy. And I am taking some time off. I am not quitting the job... I talked to the team, and we decided Foreman will be head of the team until I come back – and if I won't, he will take over permanently. It was his idea. I wanted to tell them I am quitting right now, leaving the city on my brand new shiny horse, a knight riding out to fight a dragon..." Sarcasm shot in for a second, but he quickly became serious again. "But Foreman stepped up and told me he and the team will take care. They are good, Cuddy. They don't need me."

"So you are leaving cause your kids grew up and don't need Daddy's support any more?"

His voice started trembling. "Cuddy", he whispered her name quietly, then needed to take another deep breath, "you shouldn't even care. We are not friends any more, I think I got your message loud and clear, and more then once. Your clinic will be fine. It's taken care of. So... go back to your new life." He opened the door for her, holding it wide open.

"You are serious", she realized.

Slowly, she came closer, a million thoughts running through her mind. She hesitated a moment, right in front of him, looking into his bright blue eyes. When she did a step closer, he stepped back, holding up the letter, and looked away.

Her heartbeat stumbled, a second, maybe two. She reached out to take the letter, and walked to towards the car, not being able to look back.

He quietly let the door snap in and returned to what he was doing, not in the mood for singing any more.

***


	2. Chapter 2

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter Two *****

Cuddy went to her car, but when she reached out to start it her hand was shaking. She tried to start the car twice, then just let the engine run to warm up the car. The envelope was still on her lap. She opened it, and pulled out two letters.

She galloped through the first, which officially explained that House, M.D., requested an unpaid leave for personal reasons for an undefined time. He asked to hand over his duties to Dr. Foreman, and the team. He mentioned explicitly that Foreman, Chase, Taub and Hadley have to stay in the team to its old conditions, because their special abilities would complement each other and would allow them to do an extraordinary job. He explained that he also guarantees telephone support whenever his team would have questions. It was signed with his full name.

Then, she put the first page away, finding a short, handwritten letter, addressed to her, personally.

"Dear Lisa,  
Please accept my request to leave the clinic. I need to leave. As you are the Dean of Medicine, I should probably explain this in person, but I don't want – I don't know if I can do that. I made sure everything is taken care of, as I already explained.

And I don't know if I can come back.

Lisa, we have always been friends, somehow. We were there for each other. I am amazed you were always there; I screwed things up over and over again, and not only caused by the drug addiction. You always supported me, even if you risked both our jobs.

You once trusted me, and now you've lost that trust.

And I can not work with you like that. I loved you to challenge me. We made a pretty good team for such a long time. That's one of the reasons I am as good as I am. And I love my job. But as things are now, I don't want it any more.

You have moved on in a situation I thought I saw signs. Bullshit... signs? That's Wilson's bad influence. He made me talk to you; let me tell you I have always been attracted to you. I guess I overshot the mark with my little speech at the dance. I am not sorry I am finally able to say how I feel inside.

I do care for you. I feel for you. I really want you.

But you can not be with the man I was, nor the man I am now, and I am accepting this. You need a better person than me. A better person to take care for you and your daughter.

I always cared, Cuddy. I had feelings. But more than that I adored what we had, this friendship, and also my bossy line manager. I can deal with seeing you with Lucas if you really love him. I do not want to deal with others asking me things about you or with seeing you knowing you do not even react as my boss anymore. The challenging each other part seems to be gone with your new love. It took away the Cuddy I knew, respected, and loved.

As I will be leaving, I am allowed to have a theatrical showdown. This is it.  
I wish you luck. And happiness.

Greg."

She stared at the page, read it again, and again, tears in her eyes. She didn't realize the snow falling heavily, almost an hour passing by. She didn't become conscious of the cold slowly creeping inside. She didn't hear the cab that showed up behind her.

House got his bag and went out of the door, when the driver hit the buzzer. When he walked down the way to the cab, he saw Cuddy's car, the windows had already started freezing in the corners. He gave the driver a sign to wait a moment and knocked her window with his cane.

She jumped and looked up, seeing him standing there outside. Quickly she opened the window.

"Are you going crazy, woman? It's freezing cold outside."

"I..."

"Go home, Cuddy", he cut her off. "Go home." And with that, he turned around and left her sitting in her car, all by herself. And for the first time she finally saw him again, watched him leaving. During the last weeks she had avoided him. She hadn't talked to him or heard about how or what he was doing. Wilson had refused to talk to her about his best friend. And right now, she felt like her life line had been cut.

And as the cab disappeared, a single tear slowly made her way down her cheek.

***


	3. Chapter 3

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter Three *****

He spent the next day in his hotel room, a small, cosy little place with a nice sea view. He enjoyed sitting in a chair at the window, watching the waves washing on the beach, listening to the sound of the wind. He had a drink or two, played with his guitar, and when it got dark, he started a movie.

Then, a knock.

He got up and opened the door. And found Cuddy, once again. He stared at her, blankly. She looked terrible, like she hadn't slept in days. Her big blue eyes were red and swollen, her lips trembling a bit. Then, after a second, he closed the door in front of her.

It took her a moment to realize. She knocked, again. "House. Open up."

"Go away", he shouted, hobbling back to the couch and the movie he was watching. He turned the sound up and leaned back, trying to get lost in the story again.

After the movie, he got hungry and called the room service. While he waited, he decided to have another drink. Outside, the snow was falling heavily, and it seemed the world had disappeared.

The room service brought the ordered Pizza. House paid him off and wanted to close the door again, when he saw her sitting on an armchair in the hallway. Furiously he rushed over. "What the hell are you still doing here? Don't you have your wonderful life to live?"

She slowly looked up.

"Cuddy, go home."

"House..."

"Fine, you know my name..." House let out a breathe. "Why did you even come here?"

An elderly couple came down the hallway. "Fighting in the hallway is not appropriate", the woman told her husband. "What a terrible behaviour."

House let them pass by. "They are right", he said. "My Pizza is getting cold. You can come in, but you are leaving with the first flight in the morning."

He went back to his door and opened it. "You coming?"

Cuddy got up, took her bag, and followed him. He sat down on the couch and grabbed his Pizza. She took off her coat and set down on the opposite end of the couch. House turned on the TV again.

Then, he placed the Pizza in the middle, shot her a quick glance. She was shivering. "Maybe you should take a hot shower", he offered. "You can use mine, there are towels and stuff. If you want, there are my jogging pants and a warm pullover. They are clean."

She was only able to nod and went to the bath.

While she was in there, House built a fire. He ordered some bread and a hot supper, got himself another drink. When she came back in his clothes, she looked a bit better.

She was surprised about the supper, but ate it in silence. He zapped through the TV channels, looking for another movie. He decided for a Christmas movie, for 'Miracle on the 34th Street'. Cuddy curled up on her end of the couch, trying to stay warm. Somehow, this situation felt unreal to her, surreal, didn't allow her to break out and talk. The room was dark, only lit by the fire and TV screen. She watched the movie for a while, but her thoughts drifted off.

Then, the screen went black, the power went out. House sighed. They sat in silence for a while, staring into the fire.

"You shouldn't be here."

"But..."

"I don't want you here", he interrupted her, once again. "I went away to get some distance. Following me like a puppy is not helpful."

She looked at him. "Your letter...", she started weakly, somehow lost all her energy during those last two days.

"No, don't even start. I wrote it, I meant it. It wasn't written to change anything. It was just a goodbye. Don't read too much into it. I shouldn't have listened to Wilson. He suggested writing this one. I would have gotten by on the first only."

"Did you write it yourself?", she asked, carefully, looking up at him.

"Oh, yes, I am able to write myself", he snapped.

She looked down. "Sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"I don't care." He emptied his glass.

Cuddy looked at him, again. "So you are running away?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "You think I am?"

"You thought you and I could be together, but I am with Lucas. And now you are pouting like a child 'cause you didn't get what you want."

House got up. "Feel free to leave right now, Lisa." He went to the window and looked into the dark.

"I don't understand you any more", she said after a moment, and felt defeated. "I want to, but I don't understand what you are saying. I mean – we haven't been together or anything. I am your boss."

"You are not my boss", he snapped. "Whatever you are, I'm not your damn puppy, and you won't pull any strings to make me work how it fits your daily mood. I am done with that. We are not a team any more. We are through."

"But just because I have Lucas doesn't mean we can't be a team."

He turned around. "Obviously it means exactly that. We were not working together; we were just fighting – if we are talking. Or you were busy with your boy toy."

"He is no toy."

"I know. He is the man you love and want to be with. So what are you doing here?"

She looked down at her hands. "I... I don't know."

House shook his head in disbelief. "I am going to bed now. And you are leaving in the morning. I don't want you to be here."

He went to the bedroom and slammed the door. Cuddy sat there, staring into the fire most of the night. Then she must have fallen asleep. She didn't hear House coming out of the bedroom. He couldn't sleep and got himself a glass of milk. Just another bad habit Wilson thought him. When he saw her stretched out on the couch, he went to the bedroom to get her a blanket. He covered her with it, carefully not to wake her up and went back to his room.

***


	4. Chapter 4

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter Four *****_  
_

When he got up in the morning, the room was quiet. She was gone. He looked over the room. There wasn't even a sign she had ever been there. Maybe it was just another hallucination. He took a shower, let the hot water run over his body, washing away all the thoughts.

After he got dressed, he entered the living room – and there she was, again. They stared at each other. "Why are you still here? How many times do you need to hear me say, 'fuck off?' "

"There's too much snow. We are snowed in. I tried to get a room myself but they are booked out."

House shook his head in disbelief.  
Then he let her stay where she was and went to have lunch. It was much later when he came back. It was about getting dark, even though it was only early afternoon. He had tried to avoid the room as long as possible, but it was cold, and he had already called and annoyed everybody he could talk to.

She looked up when he came back. "Everything okay?"

"Perfect", he gave back grumpily.

"Thanks for letting me stay." She carefully smiled.

He nodded. "You're, well, welcome." Then he sat down. "So..."

Her phone started ringing. She excused herself and picked the call up. She came back from the bedroom after 15 minutes. "Thank you for taking care of her. Tell her I miss her."

She sat down next to him. "That was Cameron. She is taking care of Rachel. I had planned to be here only one night, but she is fine with keeping her longer. They were about to have a bath."

"Did you get a new babysitter or switched sides now?"

Cuddy shrugged. "She is great with Rachel."

They ordered dinner and ate in silence. House got two drinks and handed her one. She tasted it and felt him observing her. "Cuddy, you really shouldn't be here", he said, softly.

"But I am. And you can't kick me out."

"I could. Eventually I don't want to. So, this moment is as good as any other. Why did you follow me?"

She took another sip. "I don't know."

"Déjà vu, Cuddy."

"I... couldn't let you walk away. Not like this."

"You don't need me."

"Why do you think nobody needs you?", she asked.

"For what would you need me? The clinic is working fine. I am calling Foreman once a day to check up. And for your bed, if I remember correctly, you got Lucas to warm you up. What else do you need to be covered?"

She wanted to slap him, but his reaction was quicker, and he stopped her hand right before touching his cheek. "Don't you dare." They stared into each others eyes.

"For years and years you were there, and now you simply disappear. I thought we are friends", she cried out.

House laughed and dropped her hand. "We are... whatever. But friends? I don't know. We lied, we hurt each other. But we were always there, somehow. Right? That was part of the game."

"Maybe", she admitted.

"And then, you got Lucas. You continued the game, and there was something going on with us, before I left, and when I returned from the clinic as well. Don't deny that." His voice got louder. "But you were with Lucas the whole fucking time, while I made a complete fool of myself. You lied to me, and to Wilson, and expect me to clap my hands when you show up with your lover? So, I tried to accept that. You're happy. Fine. I can't make you want to be with me." He got himself another drink. "You invited me for Thanksgiving, and I thought at least the friendship would be safe, I thought you were nice because I was nice. But it was just another dirty trick. And now, we are done. We are as far away from a friendship as people can be."

Tears formed in Cuddy's eyes. "House..."

"Shut the hell up", he shouted furiously. "I don't even care what you have to say about it. You know how I am, who I am. You must have seen I've started opening up, started trying, tried as damn hard as I could. I trusted you."

She went up, went to the window, and couldn't face him any more. Even the cold dark was better to face then his hurt look. "I didn't know... I didn't know how to deal with that." When she turned around she trembled. "But you, you were playing games. You're are drug addict, hard person, and you are horrible with people."

"And all those years, that has been okay with you."

"I have a child now. She is growing up so fast. And I think... I felt like I need... I mean, I can... I thought", she stammered. She threw her hands in the air. "God. When did this become that complicated?"

"The moment you lied", he simply stated.

Cuddy took a deep breath. "Stop snapping at me."

He sat down again. "So. Do you love him?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Then about what do you want to talk?"

She sat down at the opposite end, carefully, and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I... think I just don't want you to leave. It's somehow... you have been there half of my life. I can not imagine how it would be without you."

"But I haven't even been there during the last weeks. We didn't talk, we didn't work together."

She looked at him. "But you were there... I could have walked into your office every time."

"You didn't do that."

"I would miss the possibility to be able to do it", she whispered.

And with that, his mind cooled off.

Outside, the snow was falling silently. The fire warmed the room a little bit, but he felt the cold in his leg. He put it up on the couch, stretched out a bit and tried to get more comfortable. She did the same, placed her legs next to him and pulled the blanket over them.

"Does it hurt?", she asked.

"A bit."

"Why this place? Why Maine?"

"Wanted to go skiing and surfing."

She rolled her eyes. "Even if the cold makes your leg hurt?"

"You can't have it all." He looked at her. "You can never have it all."

"I know." And she knew it was true. She would never have it all. She had tried to, but she eventually didn't realize it didn't work in the first place. And when she did, things were already falling apart, in the clinic as well as in her personal life. And it was easier to get lost in her crush instead.

He looked into her eyes, her pretty, bright blue eyes. A smile formed on her lips, just a slight smile. "Lisa", he softly said, his voice honest, "I never thanked you for all the things you did, did I? You were always there, and you probably don't know how much that means to me. I shouldn't be surprised you wouldn't want me near your baby. You are right, I have been addicted to drugs, and I am horrible sometimes. But I try. I went through this therapy. I didn't believe in it in the beginning. I ignored it, I played my game. Then, I started talking, and somehow, it helped. All that is left is my job, Wilson, that team... and you. That's what always held me up."

She bit her lower lip. "I am glad you went through that therapy."

"Before I left, I had hallucinations."

"Wilson told me about it."

"So what exactly did he tell you?"

"He told me you had a hallucination about me, but that is it."

"Before that – I thought – there were things going on between us. I don't want to be mean or hurt you or overstep any borders again. But were those things imaginations, too?"

She hesitated, thought about the last months, years. She thought about the time with him. She remembered him fighting her and fighting himself, remembered him breaking down in the end, with his longer beating heart. She remembered that one, long horrible night, where she sat next to his bed, watching him. From the professional point of view she probably knew he would wake up again, but the woman just feared for his life, feared she would never to be able to talk, to fight – to maybe love. She needed a moment to come back to reality, and then she shook her head. "No, they weren't hallucinations. There were things going on."

"And you didn't stop me."

"Maybe I didn't." She stroked her hair behind her ears. "Maybe I got a little bit carried away, too."

"Did you like it?", he smirked.

It made her laugh. He had always loved her smile, her laugh. It made him smile, too. "Do you want another shot?" He pointed at her empty glass.

"Yes, I do. But you sit, I will get them." She came back with two drinks and sat down again. "So what did you plan? Will you stay here or go anything else?"

"I don't know yet. The basic idea was leaving and taking some time out." He raised an eyebrow. "But I got stalked by some crazy doctor lady."

"I didn't stalk you." She shivered.

House yawned. "I'm getting tired. I would offer you the bed. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but if you want, we can share the bed."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

He nodded slowly. Knowing he just broke his own rules. He tried again, and failed, again. Damn that, he had promised to let it go after that letter. "You are right", he stated and got up. "Good night then."

****


	5. Chapter 5

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter Five *****_  
_

It was still snowing in the morning. Yet another day locked in together, he thought. They spent the morning in quiet, reading. In the evening, the snow stopped. He sat in the armchair at the window, playing his guitar when he realized that there were no new flakes falling down. He closed his eyes for a moment, knowing this would also mean the streets would be clear anytime soon. She would leave because she needed to go back to her baby and her man. And because he would make her go.

And the emptiness hit him without warning. He held his breathe for a few seconds, then let out a loud sigh that made her look up. "Sorry", he murmured and concentrated on his guitar again; playing the song he had in his mind all week.

"What are you playing there?", she asked.

"Just a song I heard in the radio."

"It sounds good. What's it about?"

"Fate", he gave back. "Stupid, isn't it?"

She held his look, then took her phone to dial a number and walked away. He put the guitar down. She would go, and he would survive. He wouldn't start taking pain killers again, but he would probably drown his liver. At least that would warm him up again.

"Cameron says hi", Cuddy announced. "I'm calling room service for dinner."

"I'm not hungry."

She accepted that, and got her own dinner. Again, they sat on the couch.

"Called your better half to tell him you are coming home tomorrow? Home, sweet home?"

"Stop it..."

He couldn't help it. Maybe he was an ass after all. Maybe he wanted to see her hurt, too. Maybe he wanted her to feel the cold. That dark place inside, that let all hope fade away, that black hole that swallowed good feelings. Or maybe he just really wanted her to want him.

"Are you happy?", he asked once again, not being able to let it go.

"I am not discussing my relationship, House", she rejected the question again.

"It is just a simple question. I am not stupid. I know he is the better man, Lisa. Whatever I did, I tried to do better lately, but you didn't see it. No matter what I said or did, you didn't see it. You didn't see me any more. I am accepting that if you say you are completely and absolutely happy how it is. How terribly hard can it be to answer one stupid question?"

"Why can't I have a relationship with somebody and a friendship with you?"

"Things changed, Lisa. You changed and so did I. I changed a lot, even you won't believe that."

"Your hallucination about me, what was that about?"

"You really want to know that?"

She nodded. She needed to know. She needed to know why things got worse, why she hadn't been able to stop him until he almost died.

He got himself a drink, and handed her one, too. "Believe me, you will need that", he mentioned after the first glass, and poured another.

"The hallucination… it started when I realized I needed help with the drugs. I told you I need your help, that I need you, that I had blackouts. And you accepted to help me. We went to my place. You threw away all my party pills, and throughout the night, you kept everything away from me. When I puked, you sat next to me. When I saw another pill lying around, you grabbed it, and flushed it away. When I got fever, you cooled me down. You slept in my chair, watching over my sleep."

He took a deep breath. "When... I felt better... We went to the door, you wanted to leave, and... you asked me if I ever think about you. And I thought about you all the time."

She shivered, caught in his hallucination as well. "And then?"

He bent over a bit. "Then", he softly continued, "I took your face in my hands", and he reached out but didn't touch her, "pulled you closer. We kissed, and kissed again. I felt my heart stopping, Lisa, felt my blood rushing. We had to touch each other, couldn't stop any more. We made love the whole night." He looked at her. "I could feel your taste on my lips. But when I woke up you were gone. I thought you were at work, and went to the hospital. I saw you coming in the hallway, I was on the balcony. You were still rushing through my veins, when I called for you."

A tear formed in her eyes, slowly running down her cheek. "House..."

He let his hands fall down, pulling back to his side of the couch. "Yes I know. It was just another hallucination. In the end, I'm just a drug addict. And probably have naughty thoughts."

She kept quiet.

And their time was running out. Every minute a bit more. And his smile faded, again. She could almost feel him building up his walls again. So she reached out and took his hand in hers. All he could do was staring at their joined hands.

"We have been friends, all the time", she said. "I don't want you to think I left you."

"You already did, and maybe you had to", he said, and admitting that hurt him more than everything that had happened before. In the end, he always hurt himself. Addiction. He would never get away from that.

"I was always around."

He pulled away his hand. "Not your heart... Listen, I meant what I wrote. I want you to be happy, honestly. I know you want to do the right thing, and that this was a hard decision to you. You did what you had to do. And maybe I deserved what happened, and how you hurt me. That's okay. I can deal with that, I'm a big boy. Nobody dies from broken hearts, they only need a few stitches to heal, and hey, surprise, and I'm a medical genius. But please understand – and accept – I can stand working with you if we can't be friends. I don't want to see you with him for a while either. That's all I'm asking for."

She looked down, and so he got up. "You told me you felt for me. And I thought you still do, but I couldn't really expect you to wait for me while I was in the rehabilitation and therapy. You moved on. I accept that. I want you to be happy. I will be okay. But we won't see each other. We won't pretend to be something we are not."

With that, he left her sitting on the couch. It took her a while to reach out for the remote, shut off the TV, and lie down. His words kept spinning through her mind until she drifted into a light sleep. He quietly snuck back in later and watched her for a while. "I really want you to want me but I don't know if you can't do that", he whispered. "But I really want you."

When he lay back down, he knew she would be gone in the morning. And he would be on his own again. He closed his eyes, feeling the darkness reaching out for his heart.

***

Merry Christmas :)


	6. Chapter 6

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Authors Note:_ This is just a short, yet finished story about House and Cuddy that came into my mind while listening to the Song "I really Want you" by James Blunt. I hope you will like my little Story. Feedback is love, please let me know what you think. Its my first House/Cuddy, and the first in a really, really long time. Thanks in Advance!

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter Six *****_  
_

Cuddy snuck out of the room in the very early morning hours and flew back home. She met up with Cameron to get her baby girl, but didn't stay to talk to her. She needed her home, her safe place around her, protecting her from the world.

Hour after hour passed with her just sitting there. She played with Rachel, but her thoughts were still with her conversations, her fights with House. She remembered those moments when they had been close. She thought about the moment she lost the opportunity to get the first baby, when she had been sitting in her house crying about the child, and he had visited her. Their kiss followed. She closed her eyes and knew what he meant about the hallucination. She still could feel the passion running through her veins.

When Lucas came over later, he knew within a second something was wrong. The Cuddy he knew wasn't around.

"Where is the baby?", he asked.

"She is sleeping." She looked at him. "We... need to talk." Her voice broke.

"How was your trip? Where have you been?"

"I went to Maine."

"Maine? What did you do there? That's the end of the world, somehow."

She kept silent, bit her lip.

"It's House", she whispered.

"What did this idiot do now? And you, as always, had to jump to help him out?"

The judging tone in his voice made her angry. "That's what you do for friends. You help the people you love. And I didn't do a good job with that lately. Not with House, not with Wilson or House's team. All those people were trembling, and I wasn't around. Maybe it's not my job to hold everybody's hand, true, but as a friend, it is my job to be there and sit down to listen, collect the broken pieces and help to form something new... I was so wrapped in my little bubble and tried so hard to be happy – and yes, you do make me happy – but I can not forget about the rest of the world."

"So now it is my fault you dumped your friends?", he snapped back.

Cuddy closed her eyes. "No."

And then Lucas understood, or maybe had known the whole time. "It's House", he said. "It's always been him."

She had to look at him, had to open her eyes again, making sure she could speak it out. "It's House", she managed to whisper, her voice trembling. And the truth finally got her. It has always been House. From the first moment they met, there was a connection, which drew them together closer and closer with every fight, every supporting word, every discussion, even every look. She never realized – or never admitted – not knowing how to handle it. Tears started streaming down her cheeks when she saw the man sitting in front of her. Lucas. He was a good guy, a solid guy, interesting and nice. Loving, caring for her baby girl. And her mind still screamed to hold him with everything she could. Just her heart, her heart wanted something dangerous, something wild, something House.

Lucas nodded. "Fine. I always kinda hoped you wouldn't realize." He came over, hugged her for a moment. "I think I knew it." Then he kissed her forehead, softly. "Take care."

She watched the door closing behind him, and felt more tears running down her cheeks. What did she just do? She went to Rachel's room and sat next to the bed, crying silent tears, trying to think. Maybe House has been right, maybe they always had bad timing. Maybe he let the moment pass. Or maybe she did, because she never said a word either.

All she knew was she didn't want to loose him.

***

Authors Note: Sorry this is short but I had to split it... Next Chapter ( No. 7) will be the last. Let me know what you think please?


	7. Chapter 7

**_Through my Veins – A Cuddy & House Story_**

_Inspired by James Blunt's "I really want you"_

_Disclaimer:_ House is owned by Fox and the Lyrics of "I really want you" belong to James Blunt. But this little story is mine =)

_Enjoy!_

***** Chapter 7 *****

House had spent the morning outside, walking the beach, and sitting in the cold. He needed to breathe the fresh air, trying to get her out of his mind, trying to get her out of his system once again

When Foreman had called around midday, it was almost a relief. The team and he had a long conference call discussing two cases. It felt good, his current drug. It always made him feel good. That's what he needed, this work, this job – and he admitted – the people. Wilson had been right; he had picked them for a reason. Not only because they were brilliant doctors, but also because they were interesting personalities, and they were able to learn how to handle and read him.

Even though they would never challenge him as Cuddy did.

_Damn_, he thought and closed his eyes, taking another breathe. He would never get rid of those thoughts. But well, how could he, she was his Nemesis. The right one. Maybe he always knew – or maybe he found out during the last year. Admitting feelings had never been easy to him.

And then, he did, and she was gone. _Brilliant_. He would suck as the knight in shining armour, right? He wouldn't even get on the damn horse.

He felt the dark, dangerous monster nagging inside, begging him to feed it. House sighed and shook his head. He wouldn't take medication again, wouldn't try to kill himself again. Life was interesting without drugs as long as he still had his work.

He leaned back, with his guitar on his lap, playing that song, again. Until his phone rang.

He ignored it for a while. But it didn't stop, so he picked up furiously. "What the hell do you want, I am busy here…"

"House…"

"Cuddy?"

"Yes, it's me."

He rolled his eyes. "Listen, I told you, you need to stop that. I am serious about that!"

"You can hang up or just wait a second and see what I have to say. I let you talk the last two days, too. Right?"

"Okay. You have three minutes."

"How generous. But that's fine. So listen… I thought about what you said. And I don't want to give up the friendship. I don't want you do quit and leave. I need you there. For your team – they are great without you, but you can make them shine even more – and for myself. I am good, I know that. Not as brilliant as you are, but still very good. My job doesn't allow me to work with patients as much as I would love to, and I am always happy to have a look into your things. It gives me the feeling to be a doctor again. Discussing things with you… keeps my brain in motion. Challenging me makes me a better doctor and I do think it does the same to you." She heard him breathing out loud.

"My talking time", she reminded him before he could say a word. "But honestly? We all could survive without that. It's just work. I just… don't want to live without you", she whispered into the phone. "I don't want to loose you. Maybe I tried to do the right thing and didn't realize I did the very wrong. Maybe I am just as you, trying to pretend, trying to protect myself and my heart. Maybe I can not accept… accept somebody wants me. Maybe I'm just afraid. I feared we would hurt each other too much; you wouldn't be getting along with Rachel, teaching her all the terrible things. I thought the baby would be too much for you. But mostly I feared to lose you forever…"

He heard a knock at the door.

"Listen, House, you are right, we can not always have everything we want but…"

It knocked, again.

"Damn", he murmured. "There is somebody at the door. Hold that thought."

He walked over to the door, opened it. And to his big surprise found Rachel standing at the doorframe, looking up to him. She took a step forward, stumbled but caught his good leg and laughed. "Cuddy", he said into the phone, watching the toddler laughing at him, "are you probably missing something?"

"Yes", she whispered. "I probably am." And with that, she hung up the phone and stepped to the hallway so he could see her. "I am probably missing you." She came closer, smiling as Rachel giggled again.

And their eyes locked once again. A million butterflies were flying around in her stomach when she spoke again, not sure if he would send her away once again. "I really want you to want me. And I really want you", she whispered so quietly, but he got it anyway. But when he smiled, she did, too. She reached out, let her finger run along his jaw line, stroking over his stubble. He hesitated. Was she just another hallucination? But he needed to try, again. And so he slowly bent over, touched her lips with his so softly she shivered. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer, making pretty sure she was real.

After a moment they heard the old couple from their first day coming up the hallway. "Look, these people, honey. First they are fighting, now they are making out in public. What a terrible behaviour."

And he couldn't resist, pulled back from her lips a bit. "Shut up", he hissed out loud, then went back to what they have been doing.

"Hut up", Rachel babbled, repeating him.

Cuddy pulled back, looking down at her daughter, and then staring at him. "See, it already started...", she smiled.

He grinned, and she started laughing until tears ran down her cheeks – once again – and he hugged her with a huge smile on his face and could feel her, running through his veins – once again.

***

La Fin.

***

_Authors Note: This is the last Chapter. I hope you liked the story. Let me know what you think, please. Comments are love, and so are House & Cuddy :) As you guessed already, English isnt my first language, so thanks to my beloved Beta :) _


End file.
